The Horse Who Couldn’t Swallow, Part II

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The next morning, what had seemed like a spontaneous healing the night before offered no manifestation. Questions and fears swirled around in my mind undermining my optimism. I stood in wonder, however, that Dollar’s vital signs remained good.

Forgetting about the synchronicity with the shooting star and Dollar’s simultaneous gulp, I surmised that he’d had an allergic reaction and tried to start him on a homeopathic remedy. Not happy about taking the remedy, he started aggressively resisting. He was so adamant in his refusal, I had to lay aside my authoritarian insistence that I knew better than he and that this was good medicine for him. Since the spirit of the horse is honored here at our sanctuary, I asked him if he were feeling a spiritual violation. He dropped his head and became very still. I knew his answer was yes.

We stood facing each other head to head while I pondered what his inability to swallow was reflecting of myself. Through the years I had learned that horses mirror us in multiple ways. As I stood in openness, the curtain of my mind slowly lifted. I realized that it was related to the sexual molestation I endured as an infant. It had been oral. I couldn’t swallow!

I stood quietly with tears of compassion flowing for myself as a child who had been too young to speak of her experience, and as an adult for the patterns of subtle abuse from relationships and from life itself that had torn at me all these years. So much of it was an intangible and sticky web. I had lived a relatively normal life, but with a little girl crying deep inside of me, stuffed in a crowded closet to muffle her.

Dollar continued to face me standing very still as I allowed my grief to flow through me in my tears. Another horse came quietly behind me. It was Amoura. She nuzzled my hair, then stepped beside me and laid her head tenderly against my arm nibbling softly at my jacket as I cried. I was safely enfolded by these two equine beings, two angels that had stepped in close, standing with me in a timeless silence, rich with love and acceptance as I released a dark part of my past.

There had been a lifetime of frequent replays of emotional pain, and an overall suppression of my spirited spontaneity. All had been reminders that I had unfinished business to resolve. Years of blame, false accusations and intimidations had been directed at me by some with whom I shared my life. I was unable to speak in personal power. My pattern of accommodating others and overriding myself only pushed the pain deeper. My life seemed forever on hold.

This had all started with the violation as an infant and had been rearing its ugly head in intensity during these recent months of my adult life as the potential for healing was surfacing. All came pouring out through my soul and my eyes that night in the presence of these two quarter horse messengers from the divine, one who had also suffered her own form of abuse before she was gathered up and brought to our safe haven.

When the crying subsided, I was filled with awe and love. I felt cleansed. The experience was so deep I knew I had been dramatically changed forever. I had been released! I suspected that Dollar had also been released. Through the years I’ve had numerous spontaneous healings with my horses after a significant spiritual breakthrough in me. This time however, it didn’t happen. How long was this ordeal to continue? (continue to Part III)

The Horse Who Couldn’t Swallow, Part I

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This is a day to remember. A miracle with my horse, a black bear with two cubs romping on the hills above the pasture, a king snake lying leisurely on the outdoor steps to my bathroom protecting me from rattlesnakes and rodents, and I, getting on track with living my life!

A few nights ago, Dollar, my dark bay quarter horse, would not eat his supplement. This was completely out of character for him and I soon discovered that he was unable to swallow. Immediate concern poured over me like ice water and that old familiar pattern of fear tempted to grip my chest. Strangely, however, he seemed not too worried.

During the past week I’d been having some fairly profound experiences preparing me for what was to come with Dollar. With my recent recognition that healing is being offered all the time to us through nature even in the ordinary moments, I’d been responding to everything around me with receptivity. Another horse, Apolinaire, had been my teacher when just a few days before he had relaxed into a deep sleep out of extreme agitation the very moment I had become engulfed in an orchestra of sound from the swallows tweeting overhead and swooping into the pasture nearby.
[See Healing in the Ordinary Moments]

Earlier this particular evening, before discovering that Dollar couldn’t swallow, I had been looking into the sky above and wondering what kind of healing that stars might bring. This was fortuitous. It was less than an hour later, that I discovered Dollar’s demise. I stood beside him in a quiet meditation, feeling anxious, yet, hopeful about how his healing was going to take place. My eyes went back to the stars. At that moment, a shooting star darted across the sky precisely where I was looking. I caught my breath, and simultaneously, Dollar gulped. He actually swallowed! If even awkwardly. I thrilled. It was that simple, I thought, but then started checking nervously just to be sure. Had he really been healed?

Doubt came seeping in around the seams of my confidence, and there was no further manifestation that he could swallow. I suspect that healing is so fragile in its beginning stages that doubt chases it away…or at least shrouds its unveiling to the doubting observer.

It was late in the evening, and Dollar’s vital signs were all normal. He showed no signs of distress. After gently massaging him, I let him go out to pasture with the others which he was happy to do. I went off to bed feeling a sense of hope that all was well. [continue to Part II]