As the moon crested the hill, I soaked in the light of its past and present conversations. I was visiting my two wayward horses who have not yet made it onto a trailer to join us at our new home. Both had been hurt by the attempts of poor handling to get them on their moving van. Even with follow up efforts to load with a beautiful handler, in a fluke, one was injured seriously enough to prolong their stay at the former pasture 50 miles from the rest of their herd. After a week, even though greatly improved Amoura still walked with a stiff leg and pinned her ears when I tried to softly touch her injured area.
This night, after supplements were fed and water buckets filled, Amoura limped away toward the far pasture. I felt a twinge of hurt for her and also for myself, longing for some renewed connection with both of these beautiful horses. Perhaps sensing that, she stopped to nibble on some hay piles. I joined her for some interaction which took the form of my rubbing her tummy at her direction, moving her body back and forth like the rhythmic flow of tide waters to help position my hands.
I noticed the moon coming up over the hill above. From where I was standing, I could see it only through the trees.…actually one tree, the tallest one on the ridge.
The moon was full and round. Pregnant. Reminders like familiar guests found their way to the front porch of my mind. Reminders of years before when I was being nudged out of a hurtful relationship. I had decided to make the break and as I stood outside on a different piece of property, just like tonight, the full moon came up over the ridge shining through a beautiful redwood tree. A message came with it as if the moon had whispered to the ears of my heart. The pain of manipulative and subtle abuse would be over.
But those years continued. As it turned out, I hadn’t been able to follow through on my intention to leave the relationship after all, even with the encouragement of that moonlit night. Standing here miles away from that location and many years later, I had taken the final step in the past year. A strong knowing burst forth this night that at last the pain was over. I stood in tears as I realized that this beautiful mare, Amoura, had intercepted some of the last onslaught as an intermediary on my behalf, and her sacrifice had kept an even worse demise from happening.
The day we were ready to trailer but couldn’t because of her injury, the steering on the truck that was to pull the trailer fell apart just miles down the road with front wheels towed in. I still shutter to think of what could have happened if we had been driving with these innocent beings on the narrow coastal highway, along cliffs looming high above the swirling waters of the Pacific Ocean.
Instead, tonight we were together and safe except for the emotional and physical trauma to both horses, and the residual impact on myself. I dwelt in the warm presence of both of these marvelous beings in the moonlight. Letting out a deep breath I knew that a dark season in my life had come to an end. I was on the threshold of a new way of living as I shed the last cloak of old abusive patterns.
But old habits and patterns don’t just scamper away easily with a swat on the butt. Tools that empower were placed at my feet that night to do the serious work of liberation of my soul. That journey lay ahead.