Kaheka, my leggy thoroughbred, was getting pushy. He was bonking me with a hint of aggression, definitely not a soft and gentle affirmation that the horses offer me when I “get it right .” Feeling vulnerable and small, I got big and authoritative. I surprised myself with a husky voice that emerged from my lungs trying to overpower him with volume and crisp diction. He needed to know that pushing me wasn’t allowed! He did it again. That sure worked.
Not given to impulsive whacking here at this safe haven where horses have come to escape abuse, again I puffed up big and started to reprimand him in a more forceful voice. A reminder found its way like a meandering ribbon into the menagerie of thoughts and surly emotions that held me earthbound to my old habits. Like a friendly whirlwind the remembrance lifted me into that place of clarity that reflects the freshness of the blue sky above.
The questions were whispered, “What was Kaheka mirroring to me? Who am I bonking or what is bonking me?” The answer came as quickly as the questions. I was letting life bonk me around. I was being overly complacent and allowing life to batter and taunt. This was one of my deeply ingrained behaviors that kept me chained to the obsolete patterns of abuse. I no longer needed to swallow what life was bringing me. [The Horse That Couldn’t Swallow] While in some situations, acceptance is what is needed, it was not for me.
Kaheka was calling my divine self to take charge…not of him in the usual way, but of life. His “bonking” theatrics were waking me up to take action and to make my life happen the way I wanted. It was time for me to embrace with determination, the divinely-planted desires deep in my heart. They needed to be watered, weeded, and the fruit eaten with joy. Timely, I thought to myself. He affirmed with a lick and chew…and I think I saw a knowing wink. His pushiness stopped.