And Who’s Being Pathetic? (on procrastination)


I came around the corner of the barn, and there was Amoura with her tail up, pooping in the middle of her food pile. I gasped! She’d been caught in the act! I’d been noticing and complaining lately about finding poop on or near the horses’ hay. I’d thought it was Mariah who struts her stuff and makes her statements loud and clear. I always take it as a personal affront but with my herd it usually means that someone is “pooping” on me, or I, on myself. I just wasn’t figuring it out and was starting to become angry at the unnecessary clean up. And besides it was nighttime and very cold. My surplus of patience had been overdrawn.

I cleaned up after Amoura, then put out fresh piles of hay for the night. All the horses found their hay except Amoura and Kaheka who seemed to be waiting helplessly for me to do something like placing a pile at their feet. It seemed they were following me around and then standing pathetically. I was annoyed.

They were missing the opportunity to eat before the other horses beat them to it. There was an abundance of food on the other side of the fence just through the gate I kept telling them. An echo came back with a personal message to me, “There is an abundance for you on the other side of the fence just through the gate.” Interesting, I thought in a momentary flash, but because I didn’t know how to “get through the gate”, nor for that matter, did I know where to find “the gate”, I went back to my muttering and spewing.

In my frustration and anger, I said to these two renegades, and I’m not proud of this and I can’t believe I’m telling you, but I said, “You two are pathetic!” Immediately, without their batting an eye, I heard back, “Who’s being pathetic?…Helpless? Ignoring the abundance on the other side of the fence…within reach?!” The arrow hit right in the gap where I was undefended. That must have been Amoura. She doesn’t mince words.

I remembered that Amoura is one of two mares that continues to call me to the mystical. Over a year ago, she had stood beside me on a moonlit night much like tonight, and had given me a clear understanding of the spiritual significance of a new friendship in my life. In Amoura’s succinct, no nonsense manner, she had revealed the powerful spirit of this friend. I’d since lost contact. Amoura had come to me numerous times through the past year to remind me. Lately I’d been nudged to initiate but assumed it was just a fancy of mine and ignored it…until the “shit” starting hitting the horses’ dinner plates. I started scrambling to figure out why. This was the night for the revelation.

On my journey out of patterns of abuse, including self-inflicted abuse, I saw for the first time numerous areas where I had procrastinated because I didn’t trust my inner promptings. With a shift in perspective, I could see how procrastination interferes with flow in my life. I knew it was time to take the next step and initiate with this friend. There were also other inactions that were lined up at my doorstep that needed attention. I had been “pooping” on myself as the horses were mirroring to me, with my lack of trust and inaction on the inner guidance I had been faithfully given. Spontaneously with this awareness, my two beautiful horses who had kindly shown me that I was the one being pathetic, turned together on cue and walked away to their hay piles. They’d done their job and I was left to do mine!

On my way home, I was reminded of my recent inspired mantra, “expect the best.” When I drove in the driveway at home, there were 3 rabbits on the hillside playfully chasing each other. My heart leapt with the confirmation that I was back in the flow.

Since that night, and since taking care of the backlog of things on which I’d procrastinated, my life has been moving ahead with a flow of synchronicities. I’ve finally walked through the gate to find the abundance on the other side of the fence!

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