As I lingered in my joy of release, I noticed all six of the horses standing at attention along with my dog, Henii, looking intently up the steep hill above the pasture. I followed their gaze upward. There among the dried blonde grasses was a very large and a very black mama bear with two black cubs playing nearby. Their dark coats and loose jointed bodies created an intriguing mystique that spoke of boldness and carefree freedom. They looked so clumsy it was hard to take them seriously, but in reality, they moved with amazing grace and finesse. That is what greeted my eyes. What greeted my heart were the words, “Coming out of hibernation.”
I thought back to the king snake I had seen earlier in the day. It was lying on the steps of my cabin as the protector from rattlesnakes and from that which would poison my spirit. It offered the promise of a safe and peaceful respite in the warmth of the sun penetrating deeply into my soul. And the star that streaked powerfully across the sky that first night while Dollar simultaneously swallowed initiated the dance that was to unfold. It took 3 days to manifest in my experience, but when it happened, my true self and the joy that empowers me was resurrected.
Since that day, my life has been turning around like a ship in the water, slowly, but majestically as I learn new ways of responding to life. Dollar’s three-day metaphor was the beginning of my journey out of patterns of abuse including self-inflicted abuse that comes with low self esteem, negative thought patterns and self-negligence. Instead of bracing for the worst and settling for less, I’m learning to “expect the best,” and now that I’ve been freed, that is what I am starting to get.
Perhaps, instead of the horse who “couldn’t” swallow, Dollar was the horse who “wouldn’t” swallow, as he mirrored a deeper healing that has transformed my life. He has led me, at age 70, to the realization that it’s never too late to become what you thought was impossible.