Next morning. I called my friend to hear her voice, to get grounded and to revisit that incredible spiritual place I was in the night before. I told her about slipping into my crazy whirling mind during the night, wondering about this or that regarding Tal. She asked me why I thought I needed to know? That stopped me cold. As I had let go and surrendered to the animals, to life itself, I didn’t need to know, only to trust what I’d been given for the moment. That was to be my dwelling place.
After being freed from the mind chatter, I remembered something else important that I had forgotten. Usually when I leave Tal, if he’s looking uncomfortable to any degree, I acknowledge it and ask if there is something more I can do. He most often says, “Go to the homeplace.” When I asked this time, as I was leaving that night before, he took me by surprise when he said clearly, “You already have. You’ve created an opening by your surrender.”
As he spoke, I could sense the opening. It was big, and as I stood under the stars, I felt it in the sky above. It seemed as though something even bigger, that had been there for eons, had been rent open, for us, all of us, leaving a gaping hole. An opening. As I looked more closely, I saw a giant drapery, very old and water stained, thick with a dingy cream colored lining, that hung from the sky as far as the eye could see upward and as far as the eye could see from north to south as I saw it. It’s dark colors had muted with age. I had not seen it before. It now hung with a hole in the middle looking like something massive had burst through it suddenly, leaving edges that were frayed and in shreds. I was in awe as I felt the power from this vision and from the events of the evening.
I don’t know yet what that drapery represents and, amazingly, had forgotten it until I reviewed my journal yesterday, but I understand it as some kind of hindrance, some kind of a blockage that had become a part of the landscape from times of our ancestors, perhaps stopping important manifestations of spirit in the physical realm.
I’m giving new attention to this imagery as I write, and because of things that are unfolding now weeks later. I’m getting inklings and will need to ponder the significance and interconnections. For me to share now would be to tell the whole story in one post. Best left to unfold as I put the puzzle pieces together.
One of my horses, Mano (Man o’ Halo), who died a few years ago, appears to me at an old gate that leans against the fence. I call him, the horse at the gate. He is actually a composite of his ancestors, one of them being Man o’ War. Mano chimed in with Tal and told me that I had done something incredible for all of them that night by releasing to my divine self and surrendering to all the sentient beings gathered near me, and the whole universe. A simple act of letting go. I was astounded. Little did I know what lay ahead, the twists and turns, the jolts, the desperations, the joys all weaving a path back to the drapery in the sky.