One night as I was driving to the ranch I came around the corner high on the ridge and was face to face with an incredible sunset, vivid orange the color of hot coals in the sky and winter-naked trees silhouetted in the foreground. I stopped to soak in the beauty of the scene. I allowed it to radiate and penetrate my body and soul, bringing shifts and changes in me I couldn’t yet grasp.
As the sunset faded into twilight and I continued down the road, I had a heartwarming recognition. Did it come riding on the beauty of that fiery early-evening sky, I later wondered? It was Tal’s whisperings to my heart. It was time to become better acquainted with my own divine self, the one he’d said I’d been hoarding (Hoarding Desire). Was I experiencing this self in the fiery sunset?
Tal had been leading me a step at a time, offering me an insight a day like a tasty morsel that I would spend the day digesting. Each expanded on the prior day. And now it was time, he nudged, to allow the power of my own spiritual being, i.e., my higher self, my God self, my true self, or the redeemed self that sits in the heavenly places. Whatever language works.
I instinctively put my hand on my heart as I started my drive down the mountain. Tears gently flowed as I thought about consciously interacting with my own divine power, listening and being heard. I suddenly felt safe, that I was my own advocate and would do the best for me, and would always be with me. The idea of getting to know my spiritual being in a new way, and surrendering to it was a comforting thought even though I wasn’t sure what the experience would be like.
Tal was weaning me so I could learn to recognize my empowered self. He was not my guru, he later explained. He needed a partner on our journey together, not a subservient.
The spiritual teachers I admire consider “students” to be their equal, and recognize the spiritual gifts in those they are mentoring. Tal was my admired shaman teacher of the moment. He was asking me to get up off of my knees and join him on a path I was later to discover had its perils. My gifts were needed, he’d said.
A wonderful new connection was opening up with my divine self, and ultimately with Tal’s. While I’ve known for years that I was a spiritual being and I’d learned to surrender to a higher spiritual power that I called God, I hadn’t learned to surrender to my own personal divine power as it merged my humanity with the divine. With Tal’s encouragement I began to practice. Magic happened. Circumstances changed seemingly on their own. Effortlessly.
It didn’t remain easy, however, as the resistances and mundane restrictions arose from my ego as I journeyed into the hot coals of my divine self.