When Tal walked out to pasture after weeks of confinement, (Expressions of the Divine, Part 5: Eye of the Shaman) I knew in my heart it was the right thing. The condemning voices were screaming in the background but I put a muzzle on them by staying with the new trust that was budding. I remembered the past experiences that had worked and those that hadn’t. I’d experienced the chaos and the exhaustion of not trusting my intuition, and suppressing the obvious guidance. There was still a low level trembling in my body but that was an ol’ familiar habit. Fear was no longer my boss. I no longer feared the boundaries of my religious upbringing, nor ridicule, nor what people thought of me, nor even what I thought of me. Trust had stepped forward.
I remembered the times Tal had “miraculously” improved. I remembered other amazing healings, Kaheka, the thoroughbred; Loleta, the cat; my son when a child; my dog; myself,…all stories yet to be told. Surrender and confidence became good buddies! All would be well.
As I finished my chores, I glanced out to pasture, and I saw that the rest of the herd had joined Tal as he grazed. No fanfare, just a quiet movement as they each found their places near Tal, welcoming him back to the herd, silently acknowledging him for what he had accomplished with me. Tears welled up involuntarily. We had all arrived at that place of peace and comfort again. I stood there feeling the moment in harmony with them, enjoying being home with myself again after weeks of being in the center of a battle field. Peace. Quiet. All is well. I am me again. And Tal is himself again.
He has been in the pasture for almost a week now. He is walking with confidence. He looks good. I, in the meantime am writing again and posting.
However, there was one thing left to do. I had yet to write the story, Expressions of the Divine, Part 1, Stalled. That was the one I had spent hours trying to write, the one intended to be my debut back into blog writing after the long dry spell. Having finally let it go, and having sidestepped it for another one and 3 others, I was ready to revisit. Surprisingly, or maybe not so surprising, it came together rather quickly. I posted. I took a deep breath, and let it slowly out. I had done the one more thing left to do.
The next day, Tal who was not only walking well by now, went a few steps further and offered me a special gift. As I was busily doing my chores, the ground began to thunder under the hooves of galloping horses. I looked up quickly so as not to miss a moment, and my mouth dropped open. Tal was running! He was with his herd and trotted rapidly across the field behind them. He’d thrown me a final kiss. My heart responded with a big knowing smile. There was an easy connection between us.
A few hours later, two neighbors stopped by for a chat. Knowing that Tal had been stall-bound for the past few weeks, they couldn’t wait to tell me that they’d seen him running and playing with the other horses, and…here it comes… he was also rearing as he played! I thought I’d heard wrong. I’ve never to this day in all of his clumsiness seen Tal rear, not even playfully. I felt a simultaneous rush of joy and disbelief. As I tried unsuccessfully to find some way to discount it, a bad habit of mine, I made a mental observation that these were two trustworthy women who both witnessed the the same amazing event. I trusted. They had brought me good news, messengers of the divine. My heart had already been filled up with joy after seeing Tal running earlier in the day, but this news topped it off. This horse who’d had sore feet until the day he was allowed back in pasture a few days earlier, was not only running with his herd, but was also playing and rearing. In a celebration of new beginnings, my joy reared up too, and started to play again…