Day Two. Zigzagging with Realities – Unfixating on the Negative

 In spite of my efforts of giving Tal a supplement that normally works remarkably well and rather quickly for laminitis, he became less mobile. Through the years I’ve discovered that when the things I am doing, conventional or alternative, don’t seem to be working, it is a sign that I am to respond to the situation in a different way, in my case from a spiritual perspective. Today, I had zigzagged from my spiritual center and become disconnected. This opened the door to my indulging my pattern of fear and paranoia.  All kinds of wild thoughts about what could happen to Tal spun furiously in my head… all negative possibilities that were fueling the fear like gasoline to a fire. Those old voices are familiar to me and up to no good. Today after noticing how awful the thoughts made me feel, I cleaned house one at a time, deciding not to entertain them any longer. I chose to change my focus and do what I knew to do spiritually.

I went to Tal as my “guru” instead of focusing on fixing him and on what didn’t seem to be working.  I’ve noticed in myself and others that we are so quick to fixate on what is wrong in the horse (or human) and we either feel helpless and desperate not knowing what to do (the victim), or we feel good about ourselves if we can help him (the savior). That’s not necessarily an unhealthy thing, but innate in this approach is viewing  the horse as “needy” (the victim) which of course he may be. But what we miss and ignore are the bigger-than-life strengths the horse brings as a spiritual being, the gifts in the situation which can overpower the negative and open the door to physical healing or a change of behavior through the spiritual realm.

In the beginning when the horses started revealing to me that I needed to step back from the fix-them mode and to come empty handed after noticing the problem, and simply receive from them, I felt stripped of my self image as savior and no longer worthwhile… a little anxious too. But it was a healthy letting go accompanied by a feeling of release.  They taught me not to ignore the problem, but to allow the horse to bring solutions far more effective and deep acting. They showed me that the best way to make things better for them, was to receive whatever gift they bring which is sometimes a reflection of what is going on in me, sometimes pageantry in which they act out the message, a direct message in words to my soul, or an infusion of their specific spiritual gift (comfort, wisdom, diffusing negative energy, a dream, a healing, etc.). When I started receiving their gifts, often in the form of a message or understanding, I started noticing that whatever was wrong with them got better, or a troubling behavior changed.

I have one horse who tends to go lame for whatever the reasons when my own forward movement is stuck. Years ago when he was at a boarding facility which was a couple of hours drive from my home, I finally decided he needed to be closer to me and started looking for a boarding facility nearby. I found one through circumstances that felt good to me, but not yet able to trust those feelings, I stalled in making a decision. In the meantime, I got a call from the trainer where my horse was currently boarded telling me he had become lame for some strange reason that they couldn’t detect. I did not at that time make a connection between his lameness and my procrastination in taking the next step, but I learned quickly. The morning after I made an agreement with the owner at the boarding facility near home to move Apolinaire there, I got a call from the former trainer telling me he was no longer lame. A quick fix!

Today with Tal as my teacher, my focus moved from his feet, which were keeping him stall bound, to another concern which in my mind was a precursor to his laminitis. That is his ongoing struggle with weight. He is one of those horses that becomes a giant puff ball when he just thinks about food. Knowing there is much information about horses that can’t tolerate high carbohydrates in there diet, but feeling the solutions are far more complicated than I care to deal with, I was guided by Tal to turn the focus from the problem into a question that opened a flow for me to receive. First he briefly named his problem. Immediately the words came that he was hoarding fat and toxins in his body, not releasing it as the other horses do. That was the material I needed as he nudged me into my next question. I asked him curiously what he was reflecting to me about myself since weight is not my personal issue. In answer he rephrased my original question to “Tal, what am I  hoarding?” That was intriguing to me and I couldn’t wait to hear the answer. I heard nothing back immediately, but I knew I was on the right track. I have confidence the answer will come soon.
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